MY CHILDHOOD FARM

This is a picture of the farm "Turbine Waters" where I grew up. It holds amazing memories: happy, carefree days with no worries in the world.

One can't see the old farmhouse in this picture- it's embedded in trees alongside the steep rock face in the middle of the picture. The homestead was presumably built in the early 20th century and sported thick walls ,arches and an inviting fireplace. The cement floors throughout the house were polished up to a shiny red and cool underfoot. Occasionally my father would move aside the tin sheeting on the roof to allow hot air to escape. This was my home were I spent my childhood.

To the right (out of the picture) was a waterfall which was either in flood or totally dry. It was my personal sanctuary where I spent many hours meditating.

In my early childhood the land, which you see, was cultivated - the crops kept alive by the waterfall. Later the dept. of forestry planted bluegum (Saligna) trees in the catchment area on top of the mountain. The action was disasterous as my dad had to give up farming and seek employment elsewhere.

The mountain was a particular climbing challenge. The bush was lush and pathways obscure. It would take us hours to reach the summit, but the view over the valley was magnificent. We'd stand on the summit, open our arms and revel in the cool valley breeze.

In the middle of the picture is an old "Shed" which served as a milking facility for the numerous cows which were resident on the farm. Adjacent to the shed was a pump which tapped into one of two active boreholes on the farm. The water supply however was small, so we had to be frugal with our usage.

Bird life on the farm was amazing since it was close to the Kruger Park. Indeed there are more species of bird in the Kruger Park than the whole of Australia. I took a keen interest in the activities of my multitude of feathered friends.

So, this is just a snippet of my childhood playground. I will refrain from going on at length. Perhaps one day you can read all my stories in my anthology:

"A SILVER SPOON FOR AN AFRICAN WHITE CHILD".

CLOUDS OVER JOHANNESBURG

Johannesburg has the most incredible thunderstorms and seems to be the lightning capital of the world!

This is the cloud formation which presented itself over our city last evening. Wow!

THE WEED

WEED: Defn: "a useless or troublesome plant"

A while ago a strange looking plant arrived in my garden. Its seed had obviously wandered into our property and then germinated in our inviting soil. I wasn't sure what it was, so I decided to let it grow a little. It quickly sprouted more stems and leaves and I was told that it was a "weed" and that it should be eradicated.

I was a little reluctant to get rid of it, so I pruned it heavily into the ground to give myself time to decide its fate. By the time winter came it was taking over my flower bed again, so it got another severe trimming. When summer arrived, I asked my gardener to dig it up. He did and threw the stump aside. Again my conscience got the better of me; I felt sorry for the plant (:)) and compromised by "burying" it in a section of my backyard where it wouldn't bother anyone (if by chance it decided to grow again).

Well, true to form, its green leaves were soon sprouting from the ground. This "Weed" now has the most beautiful blooms - so fragrant in the evening - which send wafts of euphoric auromas into my bedroom. It is frequently visited by bees and has finally been granted the freedom to show its true colours.

How often do we simply discount things, people and happenings in our lives? How often do we hear of the "weeds" who were at school with us, rising to amazing heights for the sake of humanity? Do we perhaps stop to think of their potential and possibilities? After all, a "Weed" is a social label! Everything has a purpose and it has ironically become man's responsibility to decide the value of that purpose. Often we don't give enough credit to this mission and flippantly discount people, animals and plants.

I want to encourage you to think about your actions, to think about the labels which you attach to people and to double-check your stereotyping and prejudice. Often, it is the so-called 'useless' people and things which surprise us most - those "WEEDS" in our lives.

THE EVOLUTION OF AUTHORITY

This is a note which I discovered in my late father-in-law's bible. The day I came across it, I was besides myself with laughter. It was so like him - a quiet, uninvasive sense of humour. In that moment, he seemed to have been brought back to life.

GINGER BREAD HOUSES

It's that time of the year again...Christmas!!

The orders for our famous Ginger Bread Houses are starting to trickle in and our home is being infused with all sorts of enticing smells from my kitchen. I've been wondering what it is that makes these houses so appealing...? Perhaps it's the conjured up ideas Hansel and Gretle and their house full of sweeties...?Maybe its just the transporting of ourselves back to our childhood and the sense of freedom and abandon that went along with it...? Either way, I'm pleased with the orders, but still puzzled about what the attraction is.



It's not only the giving of these houses that provides pleasure, but the making of them too. Somehow the sight of all the ingredients laid out and the surrounding aromas entice members of my family to join me in this mission. "Ginger Bread Houses Time!!" they say and then happily join me with the task of applying all the sweets. I must say that my stock of sweets gets depleted in the process as the temptation of popping one into the mouth gets the better of my helpers. But Fun prevails and I'm not complaining.


So, tell me .....what's the attraction?

YELLOW SPIDER

I am so fond of these industrious little yellow spiders. They set up shop in a complementary flower and wait for food to be delivered. Take a look - the spider is smaller than the bee - Amazing!

A CATERPILLAR'S FEAST

I was at a Lorraine's house today and

LOOK AT THE SPECTACLE WE FOUND IN HER GARDEN!!!

This caterpillar (and many such others) has taken residence in her plants. If you look carefully, you can see that the caterpillar is literally ON THE INSIDE OF THE LEAF FROND - eating its way along the main vein to the end of the leaf. Only a thin plant membrane seperates it from the outside world. I suppose it will finally become a pupa in the safe confines of the plant vein and then later emerge as yet another butterfly. Her poor plants are infested with these stunning creatures! We think that certain butterflies must lay their eggs on these plants and the caterpillars later hatch on the inside of the plant. Talk about being eaten from the inside, out!

Does anyone know what they are???

Please accept my sympathies Lorraine -for the loss of yet another season of beautiful blooms.

Remember that all creatures have to eat!

FILIGREE

One of my favourite words is “FILIGREE”, defined in the World book encyclopedia as:
” A lacy, delicate or fanciful pattern in any material, ...ornamental work.”

Sometimes when I see something exquisite, yet impractical, I immediately think of “FILIGREE”. Generally this word is used in conjunction with lacy, delicate or fanciful patterns and ornamental work, but my first exposure to it was as an analogy for the little trills and turns in piano playing. In that context it was associated with accents or flamboyant playing to make the melody stand out.

Since then I have associated FILIGREE with unusual things, such as:

- The sprinkles of light and clouds in a beautiful sunset
- Pretty coloured rose petals
- Intricately decorated cakes
- Classical music pieces which precise and playful finger work

All these associations have reminded me of the creativity and imagination surrounding the design of the universe and our world. For me it’s as if the Creator has used FILIGREE to make our world stand out and to enhance our existence.

Then, of course, there is filigree in aspects of writing, where authors use beautiful words to elaborate on their descriptions.

I know that many of my associations with this word aren’t necessarily correct on a literary level, but I love playing around with it anyway, in unorthodox ways.

Life would be so boring without FILIGREE. Imagine if we didn’t decorate our homes or ourselves. Imagine if everything was standard with no frills or if there was no creativity in our designs. FILIGREE in our lives adds to our identity. People’s mannerisms and idiosyncrasies are what makes them stand out, what gives them dimension and makes them interesting and special.

So what is it that makes you stand out? What FILIGREE do you put in your life? Have a look at yourself in the mirror and see what makes you unique. Examine the FILIGREE in your psyche; is it really necessary or is it something, by choice, which sets you apart?

Have a wonderful, FILIGREE- filled day!

AN EVENING BLESSING

Since I'm in a somewhat melancholy mood, I thought I'd share a poem with you. Its about friendship and as you obviously can gather, my friends mean the world to me.

AN EVENING BLESSING

As shadow settles the evening light
A blessing I pray, for you this night…

“Peace be with you; may sleep be a sigh
And angel near you; a watchful eye

For tomorrow as the sun will rise
Your spirit shall rise and paint your skies

With beautiful colours of truth and love
Paints specially provided by God above.

A new day, a new leaf
A kindred spirit, however brief,

To touch your heart with love this day
Temper your path and light your way.

Rest well, dear soul, your day is done!
Forget the world; your race is won

Take care, my friend and sleep thee well
As I sleep my sleep in fond farewell.”

Caryl Moll 2005

"IN THE COMPANY OF WORDS"

I thought I'd take a moment to share, with you, why I started this blog.

I am in the midst of trying to put a book together of short stories related to my early life where I grew up on a farm. These are personal, autobiographical stories which are intended as a legacy for my children. These stories will not appear on this blog, but ideas around them most certainly will. I have never been a great literary artist, but I love writing and I love books. I know that if I am going to succeed in my farm stories (under the banner of "A SILVER SPOON FOR AN AFRICAN WHITE CHILD"), then I am going to have to improve my writing. This blog is my "practice" place; the place where I can toy with self expression and various ideas.

My real introduction into language and all its possibilities arrived two years ago when I enrolled for an English course in creative writing. Not only did the course challenge me to start putting my own thoughts on paper, but it introduced me to some incredible African authors. All my life I had been under the mistaken impression that substantial authors have always emerged from the western world. I am embarrassed at my own naivete, since this is totally untrue. There are many truly amazing authors who hail from this continent and who are of the same calibre as the classic greats.

Some of the authors which impress me immensely are Zakes Mda, Gcina Mhlophe, Wilf Nussey and Kobie Kruger. I am inspired by Ms Gcina Mhophe and had the wonderful privelege, some time ago, to watch her perform her personal poem: "In the company of words". Her perfomance and poem spoke to me like no other. The poem describes her own love of language and its infinite possibilities and this echoes my own. Those of you who know all these authors will also know that their genres differ immensely. Nevertheless, they are the authors who are busy shaping me in my own style. I acknowledge them all and thank them for their inspiration. I am truly in awe of them. What I like most about them is their honesty in their writing. They don't beat about the bush, but say what they mean and use an amazing command of language.

So, back to this blog? My intention here is to practice my writing, within the confines of 'positivity'. This is not an easy task. We all have bad days and there are times when we just don't feel like being positive. But this goal challenges me at a deep, personal level and I truly believe that there is a channel to direct one's negative thoughts into an area of growth, enrichment and ultimate positivity.

In summary, this blog is my own personal challenge: The goal of creating something beautiful on a literary level, something inspiring to my readers and a forum where I can get feedback.

I really would like to encourage my readers to walk this path with me. I would LOVE your feedback - feel free to comment and put your own thoughts down and take time with me on this journey. Thank you, in anticipation, Caryl

UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE

"Relationships are based on overlapping perspectives"

Caryl Moll 14.11.2008

The most profound thing that I bring into this world is my PERSPECTIVE. This is what identifies me as Unique and is the blueprint of my existence on this planet."

Caryl Moll 14.11.2008

One of my most profound moments occurred when I was a small child - about 8/9 years old. I was sitting on the rim of our farm reservoir with my feet enjoying its cool water. I was in a childishly pensive mood. Pond skimmers were sharing the water with me, and were making various patterns on the surface of the water. Pretty clouds also reflect their images off the surface of the water. I thought about life in general, the role of humanity, the lives of the pond skimmers and compared all of these to my own life.

I concluded that pond skimmers were not unlike us humans: There were so many of them - darting backwards and forwards, creating their own paths and going about their individual ways. Despite this, they were part of a collective - a community who shared similar traits and who all occupied the same planet.

The importance of this moment, I realised, was that it was only me who was watching them, that it was only me who was thinking about them and this was, in turn, creating my own perspective. This moment might seem trivial to some, but for me it was a defining one; a unique and highly personal snippet in my life and of unique importance - only to me.

We all have similar such moments which seem to add to our unique identities. They all add up to what I call UNIQUE, INDIVIDUALISED PERSPECTIVE. This is the essence of who we are as individuals.

I encourage you to embrace and value your own, unique perspective. This is what will allow you to make a difference in this world! ... and when, by chance, you are given the gift of sharing part of your perspective with another soul, cherish it to the extreme!

Enjoy this beautiful day!

THE CHRISTMAS CAKE TEST

Christmas is fast approaching and the season holds a variety of emotions for many people. Many embark on great celebration and festivity. Ironically, it is often the season associated with high suicide rates and deep depression. Whilst families gather and celebrate their togetherness, others are isolated and lonely. Whilst some thrive in the fruits of their labour, others search for food and friendship. It sometimes happens too that amidst joviality and happiness too, people become melanchony and reflectve. Perhaps none of us are immune to the emotive turbulence of the season.

In my own childhood household, the emphasis at Christmastime was on family and togetherness. We lived on a farm and the task of baking a Christmas cake took days. My dad had constructed a specially designed box which was then carefully lined by my mom with layers of brown paper and tin foil. Ingredients for the cake were ordered from our local supplier and spices were carefully gathered for the event. When it came to the mixing and baking of the cake, we all congregated in the old farm kitchen and took part in the occasion. Some of us were responsible for the wood fire, others for the cake tin's lining, some for the mixing and some to ensure the correct ingredients were put in. It was an enriching family affair, permeated with comforting aromas of cloves, nutmeg and cinnamon.

When I got married, I carried the tradition into my new household. At first it was only the two of us. This meant really hard work since the recipe had plently of ingredients and without a large electric mixer, became a physical feat. Nevertheless, the "togetherness" of the event remained. It was a time of relationship building and when the kids came along, it morphed into a time of communal fun, sharing and relaxing. Aromas in the kitchen - again of cloves, ginger, cinnamon and the like - became associated with happiness and goodwill.

As the years went on and friends were drawn into the household, the "Christmas Cake" occasion remained a highlight. Indeed, the joke in our household, when our girls bring in potential partners, is that they will have to "Undergo the Christmas Cake Test!". It means that they will be responsible for the mixing of the cake while every one else pours in the various ingredients. It isn't really a "Test", but rather an acknowledgement of the importance of that person in our lives. And again the aromas of the cake are associated with a memorable occasion.

I have always believed in the high value of the home in people's lives and my own purpose has been to follow this cause. The Christmas Cake has become symbolic, to me, of this value and our need to preserve the sanctity of our homes. I would like to encourage you, to employ the Christmas Cake occasion in your own home. Let it become your symbol of your togetherness and the value of people in your lives.

Here is the recipe:

MOM'S CHRISTMAS CAKE

4 CUPS FLOUR

2 CUPS SUGAR

1 LB BUTTER

10 EGGS (SEPERATED)

1 TSP BICARB

1/2 TEASPOON EACH OF CINNAMON, NUTMEG, GINGER AND SALT

1/4 TEASPOON CLOVES

1 LB CURRANTS

1/2 LB PEEL

1 LB SULTANAS

1 LB RAISINS

1/2 LB CHERRIES

1/2 LB FLAKED ALMONDS

1/2 CUP BRANDY

1 TSP COCOA

Cream the butter and sugar well. Add the yolks on at a time, beating well all the time. Add flour gradually. Mix bicarb with a little milk and then add all the spices, fruit, brandy and well beaten egg whites.

Line cake tin with foil and grease proof paper.

Bake about 3 hours (160-180C)

Enjoy the time together!!!

SWEET POTATO AUTONOMY

ONE OF MY SWEET-POTATOES WAS TIRED OF WAITING AROUND TO BE EATEN....

TELL ME WHAT GOD IS LIKE.

A WHILE AGO, I HEARD A WONDERFUL STORY WHICH ILLUSTRATES

THE VALUE OF CHILDISH WONDER:

A young couple had just become new parents to their second child, when their little boy, aged 3, asked for some time alone with his new brother. The parents were a little perturbed by their son's request and silently questioned the little boy's motives. They had read a lot about sibling rivalry and did not want to put their new baby at any unnecessary risk. By way of compromise, they agreed to let the little boy visit his baby brother, on condition that they stayed close at hand.

Their young son wasn't happy and kept insisting that his parents leave the room since he wanted to be "ALONE!" with his new brother. Finally the parents relented and retreated into the passage. They were still worried however, so they left the bedroom door slightly ajar to keep an eye on proceedings.

Little James moved closer to his new little brother and stared longingly into the cot for a long time. Then as the silence grew awkward, the worried couple peeped around the bedroom door just to see their little boy lean over the cot and say to his little brother;

"JOHNNY, TELL ME WHAT GOD IS LIKE, BECAUSE I'M STARTING TO FORGET!"

Let us all hold on to our own youthful wonder.

DON'T GO IT ALONE!

Here's a thought....

I think Hurt (Emotional pain) and Anger are synonymous!

If a person displays Anger, I believe one can safely assume that it is rooted in emotional pain. Indeed Hurt and Anger seem to occupy the same psychological space. The converse, I believe is also true: Hurt can quickly change to Anger. Either way, both these emotions are volatile and should be kept in check.

I also believe that unresolved emotional pain will display itself in either Hurt or Anger at some stage. Sometimes these emotions emerge erratically years after the incident, or indeed, they build up - layers and layers of emotion - over time and then surface, like an angry cloud, unexpectedly. Either way, it goes without say, that if you are Hurt or Angry, it is best to deal with it as soon as possible and in a structured and committed way.

I also believe that we need to consciously take time out to examine the cause of our Anger or Hurt - and to resolve it responsibly. This is a positive step. Despite the stigma of counselling which still prevails in our society, the truth is that there is really no harm in consulting someone (a psychologist, counsellor or a friend with big shoulders) to this end. Even diarising helps, because the act of writing down your thoughts, serves to structure them and to deal with them practically. Suppressing the emotions of Hurt and Anger only serve to build up one's big walls of defence, which I believe are damaging to the psyche and our ability to interact socially.

In summary, I would like to say: - If you are Hurting or Angry, don't feel that you have to 'go-it-alone'. There are many wonderful people out there who are ready, willing and able to facilitate your healing. It is important though to find someone you can trust in the healing process. Remember that the stigma in society surrounding counselling is unjustified. Be gentle with yourself and find someone who can help you! CAM

ARE YOU FLOWERING?

If you are feeling low today; I give you a flower in the hope that your spirit will be lifted. Flowers always seem to smile at us. Once they are dead, they are no longer 'flowers'. They remind us that if we are alive, its best to show our best face. Flowers search for the sun or for the light. Why don't we do the same???

THUNDERSTORMS AND RAINBOWS

I believe that some of the Johannesburg evenings are the most beautiful in the world!

The unbearable heat during our summer days often result in the most phenomenal cloud formations and these are presented as artworks in the sky. These angry storms build up and announce themselves with resonant thunder and widespread lightning. Later when the storm has dropped all its cargo, the thunder still rumbles away into the night. The storms can be so volatile but when they are over they offer us some of the most magnificent rainbows.

This afternoon was one of those thunderous times but as I waited for the storm to dissipate, I was sure that it was about to reveal one of its awesome rainbows. I grabbed my camera and went in search. Somehow, it eluded me and despite me driving around the neighbourhood for the perfect picture, I came home emptyhanded. But I was happy that I had searched - I knew it was there, but I just couldn't see it!

The idea of the importance of the 'Rainbow' in our lives was brought home to me this morning.
I was on one of my shopping rounds and in one shop I stopped to chat to the cashier. I've been to that shop before, so she recognised me. We share common ground in that our children have attended the same school. During our conversation, she delivered a profound statement:

"A MOTHER IS ONLY AS HAPPY AS HER UNHAPPIEST CHILD!"

This got me thinking. Yes, we do, indeed worry about our children. This concern is an inate part of parenthood and continues throughout life. My own mom - 86yrs - still pains over the troubles of her offspring, sometimes to the point where she is literally ill with worry. Perhaps this state of 'worry' is instinctive, but it then sets off a process of us worrying about her. The following statement then becomes true:

"CHILDREN ARE AFFECTED BY THE HAPPINESS OF THEIR PARENTS!"

Does this not then mean that an unhappy parental disposition is the trigger to a viscious negative spiral? If this is indeed so, then consider our responsibility, as adults, for our own happiness. Maybe by doing things that aid our own goal to 'happiness' we are triggering the spiral upwards and therefore giving a positive influence on our children.

Back to the thunderstorms and the search for the rainbow in our lives....

Perhaps the answer is really to acknowledge the storms in our lives, but to make an effort to look for the rainbows . Our search for the rainbow might elude us but take heart - it is there! It is like the stormy cloud; if we wait long enough, the rainbow will reveal itself. Maybe too; the rainbow holds the promise of our ability to impart happiness to our children. By focussing on the vision of a better place in our lives we allow others access to our own 'happiness' and the spiral to positivity is put into action.

So I encourage you; not to focus on the storms, but to go ahead and

SEARCH FOR THE RAINBOW IN YOUR LIFE!

POEM FOR THE GRIEVING

I am aware that there are a number of people around me who are dealing with the deaths of loved ones. I would like to share a poem with you; It had special meaning to me after my own fathed died in 1998:

Though I am dead, grieve not for me with tears.
Think not of death with sorrowing and fears.
I am so near that every tear you shead
touches and tortures me,
though you think me dead.

But when you laugh and sing in glad delight;
my soul is lifted to the Light.
Laugh and be glad with me for all that life is giving
And I, though dead, will share your joy in living
(ANON)

I pray that your day will be filled with strength, comfort and piece. With love, CAM

ROBZ' POEM TO GRANNY

I post this special poem, with my daughter, Robyn's permission. It was written by her, in memory of her granny, Jessie Moll, who passed away in 1997 after a brave fight against cancer.

This poem was on Jessie's memorial packet which was placed, together with many other lit-up packets, around the walking track at the Cancer relay at Westridge High School last night.

I'll never forget the way you hugged,
or the way you held my hand.
I'll never forget the way you laughed,
Despite things grave at hand
I remember you patience,
The glow in your eyes.
I remember the soap bubbles,
And catching butterflies,
the wedding in the garden,
begging for 'sweety time',
the time you spent with me, though short
made my life truly sublime.

I remember the smile
through the oxygen mask,
You telling me to be strong,
the way you told me to trust in God
the way you had all along.
So Granny, I miss you, I always will,
You held a special place in my heart
and while you may have died long ago,
I know from your love,
I'll never be truly apart...

Your granddaughter, Robz xox