THE VALUE OF OPEN COMMUNICATION

A lot has been said about the importance of listening. On the other hand, very little has been said about the importance of speaking up and actively sharing oneself with others. Yes, I agree that there is a time for everything; a time to listen as well as a time to speak but it is just as important to speak/share as it is to listen. Both listening and speaking go hand in hand for the purpose of good human relationships. The importance of speaking and sharing oneself is often discounted and I feel that it needs to be highlighted.

Let us first look at what exactly is speech? Our speech is what defines us as human; whether we have evolved or been created, our language is what distinguishes us from other creatures on this planet. Speech is integral to effective communication. Yes we choose our words, but the choice of words is what clarifies our individuality. It is a tool that we have been given to convey to others who we are, what our values are, our likes, dislikes, knowledge, aspirations, beliefs, hurts, joys, etc and it enables our communal nature. Our language and our speech allows us to laugh and share the joy of the moment. Our language helps us to make meaning of our lives and the lives of others. Our speech helps our listeners to avoid assumption or to rely on stereotyping.

What happens with people who are shy or reluctant to speak? Whilst it is the individual’s right to be whoever they want to be, let us look at the consequences of choosing a path of quietness:

Human beings, by nature are social creatures and are bound by certain social norms, customs and actions prevailing in their communities. But it is through our speech that we get to know one another, share ideas and gain new insight and understanding. Speech allows opportunity for guidance, reflection and affirmation. Electing not to speak means one gets no responding guidance, no reflection and no affirmation. No speech enables the person to operate in a bubble; it is a selfish ideal which cuts those around you off from the opportunity of a relationship with you.

Be bold…Share yourself! Share who you are and give the other person the opportunity of getting to know you. You can’t possibly expect them to simply know you without speaking. Indeed, if you don’t share anything of yourself, the other person will simply assess and respond to you by the assumptions he/she makes about you. This is dangerous territory since you lay yourself open to assumption, prejudice and stereotyping.

Obviously one needs to choose one’s time to ‘share’. Does the other person really want to get to know you? Indeed, if the answer is ‘yes’, why hold back? This is the essence of human interaction and relationship!

Let us look at prayer and why we pray? It is an opportunity to communicate to God what lies on our hearts. It is also a time to give something to God, to allow a relationship with Him and to allow Him to correct our thoughts and therefore our actions. A life without prayer or meditation means a life without a relationship with the Almighty.

The same goes for human relationships. Speech is an opportunity to communicate to another human being; a time to give something to that other human being, to allow a relationship with him/her and an opportunity to discuss thoughts and actions.

When you speak to someone, you are sharing your own frame of reference; this is a gift to the other person. Admittedly by speaking you make yourself vulnerable, but communication holds the key to the attainment of a relationship and of ultimate knowledge.

What happens, however, if you share something intensely personal and don’t get a response at all? Well, it’s a violation of your hope which you have in the listener. When you make the effort to communicate you expect the person to consider what you are saying. Where there is no response or one of apathy, you get the message that they are reluctant to access what you are trying to say. It says; “What you have to say is of no value to me and what I have to say is of no value to you. This relationship is pointless.” If others don’t respond, it’s like talking in a bubble; isolated and alone!

Unfortunately this is the risk we all take when sharing our inner, personal thoughts with others, but like everything it is a high-risk, high-return situation. You might just be surprised by the other person’s compassion and the value they place on what you have said. Speech allows someone else to access your personal frame of reference and it gives your listener a chance to respond to your personal reality.

In summary, I would like to suggest that if you are shy, reticent, quiet or prone to isolation, to take time to think about your stance. An image of ‘apathy’ or ‘hostility’, which is sometimes conveyed through quietness, is a path chosen towards isolation. So, take the risk; share yourself! You are God’s creature and purposefully placed amongst others. We are all vulnerable and it is by our speech and our communication that we have access to social interaction, support and personal growth. So, don't be shy, SHARE YOURSELF!